So early this morning some unnamed slacker drove over a gast main or something--outside our building. By the time I got into work, most of the excitement was ended...but little did I know there were still problems lurking. My buddy Brad eats a breakfast burrito every morning. He also eats one any other time that he's hungry. Apparently he went down to buy one & they were closed because of the whole gas main incident. I sent him an email to tease him about it. This grew into an over-the-top spectacle of earth-shattering proportions..... 9.01am JOHN to BRAD:
**Brad lookin around the atrium, enjoying his morning stroll to receive the food he loves**
Brad cheerfully says, "What a beautiful thursday morning...how are you? Please go ahead and start on my tasty breakfast burrito!"
Grumpy worker quips back, "Naw dude, gas broke. Peace."
**Brad cries for the rest of the day**
9.05am BRAD to JOHN:
In a furious rage, Brad hurls himself over the counter, grabs two eggs, a potato, some cheese and a tortilla and starts cooking furiously, holding the grumpy workers at bay with a spatula like a vicious animal backed into a corner.
9.06am JOHN to BRAD:
Madman Mickus Motley swoops in from the ventilation system, breaking a bottle of tequila over the head of the leader of the grumpy worker trifecta. Before the cry of victory can be uttered....the boss emerges from a smoky hidden door within the oven...
9.30am BRAD to JOHN
The boss dramatically withdraws his weapon - a hideous looking rolling pin, fitted with spikes on either end and dripping with butter. He sees Brad's nearly completed breakfast burrito and lets out mighty roar and coats his weapon of evil with more butter before lunging forward like an ogre. Knowing the only hope for true victory lies with a completed breakfast burrito, Mickus valiantly fights a delaying action. With his broken tequila bottle as his weapon, hey fights back the boss; parrying and dodging around with the agility of a mongoose and the determination of an angry leprechaun who's lost his gold.
Just in time, Brad puts the finishing touches on the burrito. Wrapping it tightly, he turns and thumps the occupied boss on the back of the head with the mighty breakfast wrap. Overcome by the sheer force of the blow, the boss falls to the ground, crippled! Victory at hand!
9.39am JOHN to BRAD:
Brad quickly retreated to a warm corner of the filthy kitchen & feasted on his perfected burrito, like a wolverine that wasn't right in the head. Mickus felt at peace....and pensively approached the dying, suffering, humiliated kingpin perry. It actually seemed that the lumbering beast had a look of true sadness in his great cafeteria-boss eyes. And Mickus took that fleeting moment to cover his sorry face with the remaining butter...near boiling in the boss's old pot. And so ended kingpin perry.
